Don’t Forget Your Screwdriver in the Zombie Apocalypse

When you get your bug-out bag ready for the zombie apocalypse, don’t forget to pack a screwdriver with your condoms. Not only is it a handy tool for tightening screws and, to some extent, used as a pry bar, it can double as a weapon that dispatches zombies as well. The soft fleshy bottom of the jaw is a perfect entrance point for any edged blade, such as a screwdriver. The pliant flesh yields readily and allows the blade to penetrate both the roof of the mouth and then the brain to slay the zombie.

 

Be sure to take the slot-head screwdriver and not the Phillips, since the slot head has a chiseled tip. Though, in a crunch, you could still jam that Phillips into a zombie brain. The slot head can also be used as a pry bar, whereas the Phillips is inferior in this context.

 

Light and a cinch to pack, condoms, which are essential for your bug-out bag, can be filled with water and used as canteens. You can also forego rubber bands and use condoms in their place as weapons. You could fashion a slingshot out of a wishbone-shaped tree branch and a condom by stretching the condom between the two ends of the branch. Then all you have to do is gather some stones for ammunition and you can nail that zombie smack between the eyes with your slingshot, or, even better, shoot the creature in the eye, which is easier to penetrate than the skull.

 

The zombie won’t die unless its brain is smashed. You’ve got to destroy its brain. A slingshot’s stone might be deflected by the skull, but not by an eye. The only bone the stone might encounter behind the eyes is the ethmoid bone that is eggshell fragile, located behind and between the eyes, and can be penetrated with ease. As a matter of fact, prefrontal lobotomies used to be performed in this manner back in the 1950s, with an ice pick penetrating the ethmoid bone and entering the brain to execute its surgery.

 

A condom can also be used to conceal your handgun from human marauders who will inevitably run amok during the zombie apocalypse. Insert your gun into the condom, knot the condom at the end, then insert the package into a car’s filled gas tank. Marauders will never think to look there, and, when they’re preoccupied looting your campsite you can retrieve your gun and blow them away. It is an ugly truth, which must be prepared for, that during an apocalypse armed bands of marauders will roam the wasteland preying on fellow men.


And, last but not least, a condom is a necessity if you don’t want to contract a venereal disease or don’t want to overpopulate a world that is overrun with zombies and is in the process of dying–or if you meet up with a female zombie that you feel attracted . . . No. Just say no.
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KILL RATIO Is Now a Nook Book

Kill Ratio, the fourth book in the Chad Halverson zombie apocalypse series, is now available as a Nook book at Barnes and Noble.com.

Zombie Boxed Set #1

A boxed set of two of Bryan Cassiday’s zombie books Zombie Boxed Set #1 is now available at Amazon. Right now the price is only 99 cents, but that will change soon.  Zombie Boxed Set #1 includes the two complete unabridged zombie thrillers Zombie Maelstrom and Zombie Necropolis, Books 1 and 2 in the Chad Halverson zombie apocalypse series.  Act now and buy Zombie Boxed Set #1.

Only Two More Weeks till Poxland!

Only two more weeks till Poxland!  Bryan Cassiday’s fifth entry in the Chad Halverson zombie apocalypse series will be released on November 26.  If you can’t wait that long, Poxland is available for preorder now at Amazon.

 

“Zombie Necropolis” Is Now an Audiobook

Bryan Cassiday’s Zombie Necropolis is now an audiobook available at Audible.com.  Zombie Necropolis is the second book in the Chad Halverson zombie apocalypse series.

 

“Kill Ratio” Only $2.99 on Kindle on Sunday August 4

Bryan Cassiday’s new dystopian zombie thriller Kill Ratio will be only $2.99 on Kindle on Sunday August 4 at Amazon. Kill Ratio is book 4 in the Chad Halverson zombie apocalypse series.  Each book can be read without having read the previous book.

KILL RATIO:

The end of America is near.

A plague that kills its victims and resurrects them as flesh-eating ghouls has decimated the American population, forcing what’s left of the government to take shelter underground in the Mount Weather Emergency Operations Center in Virginia.

On the West Coast, CIA black ops agent Chad Halverson and a ragtag band of survivors decide to head to Washington, DC, to find out if anyone is still in charge, even though Halverson knows that someone in the upper echelons of the government is trying to drone him.  Halverson suspects the assassin is a high-level CIA employee.  Whoever he is, he has tried to drone Halverson before and will try again.  Of that much Halverson is sure.

Halverson and fellow refugees Victoria Brady, Blackfoot Chogan, and Emma Lawson become trapped in Las Vegas by General Quantrill, a militia commandant who runs the strip with an iron hand and has a terrifying secret.

Meanwhile, in the Mount Weather Emergency Operations Center, President Cole must decide whether to start nuking his own country in order to save it from the virus that has a hundred percent kill ratio.

Whether America survives or not, it will never be the same.

Audiobook for “Kill Ratio”

Sergei Burbank has signed on to produce the audiobook version of Bryan Cassiday’s forthcoming dystopian apocalyptic thriller Kill Ratio.  The audiobook should be released around the same time that the paperback version is released on July 9, 2013.  The paperback version of Kill Ratio can be preordered now at Amazon. A virus with a hundred percent kill ratio decimates the American population and resurrects its victims as zombies.  Hidden underground in the Mount Weather Emergency Operations Center, what’s left of the government must decide how to save the country.  Every option is on the table, including the nuclear option.  A spine-tingling thriller in the manner of Failsafe.