Don’t Forget Your Screwdriver in the Zombie Apocalypse

When you get your bug-out bag ready for the zombie apocalypse, don’t forget to pack a screwdriver with your condoms. Not only is it a handy tool for tightening screws and, to some extent, used as a pry bar, it can double as a weapon that dispatches zombies as well. The soft fleshy bottom of the jaw is a perfect entrance point for any edged blade, such as a screwdriver. The pliant flesh yields readily and allows the blade to penetrate both the roof of the mouth and then the brain to slay the zombie.

 

Be sure to take the slot-head screwdriver and not the Phillips, since the slot head has a chiseled tip. Though, in a crunch, you could still jam that Phillips into a zombie brain. The slot head can also be used as a pry bar, whereas the Phillips is inferior in this context.

 

Light and a cinch to pack, condoms, which are essential for your bug-out bag, can be filled with water and used as canteens. You can also forego rubber bands and use condoms in their place as weapons. You could fashion a slingshot out of a wishbone-shaped tree branch and a condom by stretching the condom between the two ends of the branch. Then all you have to do is gather some stones for ammunition and you can nail that zombie smack between the eyes with your slingshot, or, even better, shoot the creature in the eye, which is easier to penetrate than the skull.

 

The zombie won’t die unless its brain is smashed. You’ve got to destroy its brain. A slingshot’s stone might be deflected by the skull, but not by an eye. The only bone the stone might encounter behind the eyes is the ethmoid bone that is eggshell fragile, located behind and between the eyes, and can be penetrated with ease. As a matter of fact, prefrontal lobotomies used to be performed in this manner back in the 1950s, with an ice pick penetrating the ethmoid bone and entering the brain to execute its surgery.

 

A condom can also be used to conceal your handgun from human marauders who will inevitably run amok during the zombie apocalypse. Insert your gun into the condom, knot the condom at the end, then insert the package into a car’s filled gas tank. Marauders will never think to look there, and, when they’re preoccupied looting your campsite you can retrieve your gun and blow them away. It is an ugly truth, which must be prepared for, that during an apocalypse armed bands of marauders will roam the wasteland preying on fellow men.


And, last but not least, a condom is a necessity if you don’t want to contract a venereal disease or don’t want to overpopulate a world that is overrun with zombies and is in the process of dying–or if you meet up with a female zombie that you feel attracted . . . No. Just say no.
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Zombie Apocalypse: The Chad Halverson Series

The massive epic Zombie Apocalypse:  The Chad Halverson Series  by Bryan Cassiday is almost here.  For the first time ever, the five complete and unabridged books in the series are together in one boxed set.  Soon to be released on Kindle.  The world will never be the same.

ChadHalversonBox

Zoo ending

I don’t know how they’re going to end Zoo on TV.  It probably won’t be like the book’s ending, since they’ve changed a lot of the book.  It will be interesting to see how they end it.  Maybe they’ll leave it open, so they can have a continuation of the series next year.

I Went to the Animal Fair

I’ve been having fun with Zoo on TV.  It’s different from the book, but just as entertaining. There’s nothing scarier than animals when they decide to take over the world.  One scene in the park last night was reminiscent of Hitchcock’s The Birds. And then there were those packs of dog running amok in the streets . . . spooky.

Newest Book–Apocalyptic Novel

I am now working on an apocalyptic horror novel for this year.  As of right now, I’m not sure of the exact date of its release.  It will chronicle the effects of an alien invasion on a small town in Southern California.  The aliens claim to know the truth about the origins of mankind and they want to tell humanity.  The problem is, humanity doesn’t want to hear it.  The other problem is, the aliens want to take over planet Earth and subjugate man to their will.  Some humans join up with the aliens in their conquest of earth after the aliens promise them power over their fellow man.  Not all humans want to join the aliens, however–which means the bloody battle for Earth is on.

The Apocalypse Isn’t Going Away

If we survive Dec. 21, 2012 (the last day of earth’s existence, according to the ancient Mayan calendar), the apocalypse won’t disappear.  All you have to do is look at the popularity of post-apocalyptic TV shows like The Walking Dead and Revolution.  The apocalypse is here to stay.

Whether it’s a zombie apocalypse or a world without electricity run by a Gestapo-like militia (as in Revolution), people can’t get enough of the apocalypse.  They want to know what it’s like to try to survive in a world teetering on the brink of annihilation.

Back in the day, you needed a bunker mentality to even acknowledge the apocalypse.  The end of the world appealed only to kooky flakes holed up in caves cached with a plethora of canned beans, double-barreled shotguns, a couple thousand rounds of ammo, Sterno, and enough bottles of Johnny Walker to open your own gin mill.  Sadly, or maybe not, those days are gone.

Nowadays, more or less everybody is watching The Walking Dead, reading zombie books like Max Brooks’s World War Z or Stephen King’s Cell, or watching movies like 28 Weeks Later.  The nearer the end gets, the more we want to experience it, it seems.

In fact, zombie apocalypse books are so popular they have become a separate genre, instead of being lumped under the rubric of horror or science fiction.  And yet, bookstores don’t get it.  Behind the curve, they still stack zombie books in their Horror or Science Fiction shelves, as does the public library (at least the one in my vicinity).

The world’s changing.  Not long ago, zombie books didn’t even exist, but now zombie books, due to their proliferation, especially among small publishers, demand their own separate section in bookstores.  After all, the apocalypse is just beginning!

 

“Zombie Necropolis” on Zombie Hub

Zombie Necropolis by Bryan Cassiday is now listed on ZombieHub.

Only 7 more days till Zombie Necropolis!  Available for preorder now on Amazon.